This is a key example of why you shouldn’t believe what you see on social media – 2020 has been the hardest, most testing year yet. I’ve learnt so much but ultimately have become a far better person because of it, therefore I am grateful and do not regret a thing. Apart from maybe my trip to hospital..

End of last year and beginning of this year I found myself pretty unhappy, everything I ate made me feel ill so I had to cut out many of my favourite things including dairy, gluten & even peanut butter! 😥

I felt so unsure of myself and the idea of doing things on my own terrified me. I was sitting around waiting to do something with someone and would often end up doing nothing. I guess I got fed up of waiting, and realised I needed to change, so I pushed myself to go out on my own.

My first time paddle boarding alone I was full of anxiety, exaggerating the dangers in my head, but after a couple of times I began to really enjoy it, and enjoy my own company. I did a solo mission over to Kaiteriteri and paddled to split apple rock and it felt incredible. I was pretty lucky to get talking to someone also out for a paddle who advised I shouldn’t head back too late in the morning as the wind picks up – I definitely appreciated this advice 😅

I had a lot of uncertainty as to where my future was, whether I would have to leave the country or not due to visa worries, how long I could work for and how long I had a home for – a lot was up in the air and trying to deal with that when your family are on the other side of the world is HARD. I wouldn’t have been able to do it if I didn’t have so many incredible friends and even colleagues around me, I honestly can’t thank them enough.

Then this thing happened – Coronavirus. Like I needed something else to think about. 😅 It stopped my friend from the UK coming over for a visit, cancelled my 10km I had been training towards and then working at a hospital meant work got pretty busy too. I found myself working from home, alone, very stressed, exercising daily to hide the stress, and eating bare minimum in an attempt to loose weight (I know, I was stupid).

Whilst I thought I was doing good and managing well, my body decided otherwise and one night I found myself on my floor next to my bed in a state of panic, covered in bruises and no idea as to what had just happened. To cut a long story short, after a trip to the hospital, the ED doctor diagnosed me as having a seizure. It’s uncertain as to what happened as no one saw it (I believe I hadn’t eaten enough and the stress had got to me that my body gave way and I just blacked out) but subsequently, as a precautionary measure, I have to stop driving for a year in case it happens again. Not helpful. at. all. 😬

I know it all sounds like doom and gloom so far (and trust me i’ve had a few nights in tears) but I’ve had no choice but to be self-disciplined and make the most of a blooming difficult situation, because at the end of the day there are always people out there worse-off, and I feel so grateful to be here in New Zealand and more or less healthy..

I really understand gratitude & meditating now, it took me a while to come to terms with it but once you experience how good it feels & how much it helps it becomes a highlight in your day (Check out the calm app, it’s so easy to use). I figured I should eat more sensibly.. and not overdo it on the exercise. I’ve had to take a bit of a backseat on my running but I’ve really been enjoying mountain biking (Nelson has such epic trails!!) and I’ve still managed to get out for a paddle occasionally despite being winter. My next mission is to take the SUP on the bus and get to the beach 😂

I feel so honoured to be in such a beautiful country, surrounded by such amazing people and every day I appreciate it a bit more. I feel so much more at home now & despite everything that’s gone on, I’m the happiest I’ve ever been. I stick by my favourite motto ‘everything happens for a reason’ because my gosh is it true, and I’m now in a situation where I can really put my time and energy into my photography and creative passions, something that’s had to take a backseat for a while now.

I’m so excited to finally pump out some new content and really push my business into a direction I want it to go in, and start believing in myself too. Here’s to the rest of the year 🍻 – it can only go up from here surely 😅

How’s 2020 been treating you? Let me know below, I’d love to hear your updates! ☺️

Harriet 📸